


What Remains

by mithrel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Blanket Permission, F/M, M/M, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-10-14
Updated: 2009-10-14
Packaged: 2017-11-10 11:08:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/465584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He still had Merlin. Uses dialogue from and refers to events in 2x04, “Lancelot and Guinevere.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Remains

_He wouldn’t go after her,_ Arthur fumed, heading out of the castle, Merlin behind him. Objectively, he knew why his father refused, but he didn’t care. He _would_ rescue Guinevere.

First they had to slip out of the city. “I’ll fetch the horses, you distract the guards,” Arthur muttered, moving away.

“What? How do I do that?” Merlin demanded.

Truthfully, Arthur had no idea. “I don’t know, do I have to think of everything?” he complained, and went to get the horses.

When he came back, he found the guards unconscious, barrels scattered around, and Merlin with a satisfied look on his face.

He was so surprised he said the first thing that came into his head. “What did you do?! I said ‘distract them,’ not ‘knock them out’!”

The satisfied look vanished as Merlin glared at him. “There’s just no pleasing you sometimes.”

Arthur just shook his head, and they rode out of the city.

***

Near sunset, Merlin actually _fell off his horse_.

“What _are_ you doing, Merlin?” Arthur demanded exasperatedly, turning back.

Merlin looked up at him bemusedly from the pile of leaves where he’d landed. “I must have fallen asleep.”

Arthur gave a mental shake of his head.

“I’m exhausted,” Merlin continued. “I can…barely keep my eyes open.”

Arthur uncapped his canteen, and matter-of-factly threw water on him.

“Thank you,” Merlin said, apparently completely recovered. “I feel so much better.”

“Guinevere’s life is at stake. We cannot afford to waste a second.” The thought of what those bandits might be doing to her, even now, made his stomach clench. They had no reason to keep her intact and, prince or not, he knew full well the horrors that could befall a woman alone and unaided.

They were forced to stop soon afterward as night fell, and Merlin fell asleep almost immediately. Arthur lay awake worrying.

***

In the morning he upended his canteen over Merlin’s head, as he thrashed around.

“How long was I asleep for?” he demanded blearily, shaking the water out of his hair.

“Long enough.” _Too long_.

“Did you get some rest?” he asked, leaning forward in concern.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Arthur replied, focussing on saddling his horse.

Merlin stared at him. “I’ve never seen you like this. About anyone.”

“What are you talking about?” He should have expected teasing, but not now, not when Gwen was captive somewhere, with God-knew-what happening to her.

“Gwen,” Merlin said bluntly. “You really…care about her, don’t you?”

He was not discussing this with Merlin. Or with anyone. “What I care about is not wasting any more time talking. Let’s get moving.”

***

Once they got through the tunnels Merlin brought it up again, after first panicking at the fact that Arthur hadn’t been sure the gaiya berries would work. “They do say love makes you do strange things.”

“What are you talking about?” _Just stop. Please._

“Why can’t you just admit your feelings for Gwen?”

If only it were so easy. Merlin had no idea.

“It’s so obvious,” Merlin continued, grinning. “A blind man could see it. Is it really that hard to admit you like her? Just say it!”

Arthur had had enough. He rounded furiously on Merlin. “I can’t!”

Merlin blinked at him, surprised.

“How can I admit that…I think about her all the time? Or that…I care about her more than anyone?”

Merlin was no longer grinning, staring at him with a look on his face Arthur couldn’t decipher.

“How can I admit that…I don’t know what I’ll do if any harm comes to her?” _If she’s been harmed I’ll wipe them all out, even if I’m killed in the process!_

“ _Why_ can’t you?” Merlin asked.

“Because nothing can ever happen between us!” Why couldn’t Merlin understand that? Gwen was a servant, he was the prince–anything between them was doomed before it started. “To admit my feelings, knowing that, hurts…too much.”

“Who’s to say nothing can happen?”

“My father won’t let me rescue a servant, do you honestly believe he’d let me marry one?”

Merlin’s brows shot up. “You want to marry Gwen?”

“No! No, I...I don’t know!” He had tried not to think about it. It was pointless anyway.

Merlin held up his hands.

“It’s all talk. And that’s all it can ever be,” Arthur finished.

Merlin shook his head slightly. “When you’re king, you can change that.”

“I can’t expect Guinevere to wait for me,” Arthur said, staring into the stream.

“If she feels as you do, she’ll wait for you.”

Arthur looked up at the absolute conviction in Merlin’s voice. “We don’t even know if she’s still alive.”

“No, she is. We will find her.”

Arthur wished he could be as certain. “Come on. We’ve got a long trek ahead. Oh, and Merlin,” he said, turning around. “If you dare tell anyone about this, I promise I will make your life a living hell.”

“More than you already do?” Merlin asked sceptically.

“Yeah,” Arthur smirked, heading away from the stream.

“We could talk about your feelings while you walk,” Merlin suggested.

“Shut up Merlin.”

***

Arthur stared at the stronghold, unable to see a way in. “We’ll have to scale the walls.”

“Maybe there’s another way in,” Merlin said, without much hope.

“Why don’t you go knock on the front gate? I’m sure if you ask nicely they’ll hand Guinevere over to you,” Arthur suggested, leaving the bushes where he and Merlin were crouched.

They made it to the walls and started climbing. After fifteen minutes, they were almost to the top. Arthur was in full armour, and he wasn’t even winded. Merlin, about half a length below him, was gasping and fumbling for handholds. Arthur was surprised he hadn’t fallen yet.

“You really are completely useless, aren’t you Merlin?”

“It’s…whoa!” Merlin scrambled to stay on the wall. “Harder than it looks,” he finished.

Arthur sighed and started climbing again. “Oh, now,” he heard Merlin’s voice from below him, “You’re just showing off!”

He ignored him.

***

They managed to make it inside. Staring at pair of guards playing dice Arthur muttered, “You distract them. I’ll knock them out.” Although Merlin had managed to knock the other guards out. Arthur still had no idea how he’d done it.

Merlin’s brows furrowed. “How do I distract them?” he whispered.

For answer, Arthur shoved him into the room.

The guards stood up immediately, reaching for weapons. “What are you doing there?” one of them demanded.

“Nothing,” Merlin said, circling around the wall as the guards drew their swords.

Merlin’s eyes widened in alarm. “Actually, it’s a funny story, I was out walking. And uh, I took a wrong turn and uh, here I am. Do you know the way to the Vale of Denaria?”

 _It’s a good thing he isn’t actually trying to convince them he came here by accident,_ Arthur thought. _No one would believe that._

“Who are you?” the first guard demanded.

“Me? Uh, I’m no one,” Merlin said as Arthur crept up behind the guards. “It’s him you need to worry about,” he continued, pointing.

The guards turned, and Arthur knocked them both out, brushing his hands off when he was done. That had worked quite well.

They changed into the guards' clothes and dragged them into an alcove. “That actually worked pretty well,” Merlin remarked. Arthur ignored him, heading out.

When they reached the hall, it was full of cheering men. In the centre of the hall was a huge wooden cage. In the cage were Guinevere and…Lancelot? What was he doing here? But Arthur had no time to wonder about that now, since there was a wyldren in there with them.

He drew his sword and vaulted over the bars. He severed the ropes binding Guinevere and Lancelot together, and tossed Lancelot one of the guards’ swords, putting Gwen behind him.

“What are you doing here, Lancelot?” Arthur demanded, as they hacked at the wyldren, and it shrieked.

“I came to save Gwen. What about you?”

“Likewise,” Arthur said, charging forward.

“Get behind us,” he told Gwen.

He was distracted by a crash outside the cage. The men outside had broken through their paralysis. The only thing keeping them out of the cage was the wyldren. “The tunnel! It’s our only chance! _Merlin!_ ” he bellowed.

Merlin looked up at him from the floor.

“Don’t sit there cowering, let’s go!”

Merlin climbed the bars and jumped into the cage, landing on all fours. Arthur hauled him up and behind him.

They ran down the tunnel. “Take Guinevere!” Lancelot shouted. “I’ll hold them off.”

“No!” Gwen shouted.

They didn’t have time for this. “Guinevere, we have to go,” Arthur said, hauling her down the tunnel.

Merlin and Lancelot stayed behind, although what Merlin could do to deter pursuit Arthur had no idea. They caught them up at the end of the tunnel.

“Good to see you both,” Lancelot said, as Arthur fought with the barred door. “Where are your knights?”

“It’s just us,” Arthur said shortly, getting the door open. “We’ve got to keep moving!”

Lancelot took Gwen’s hand to help her up, and held it. They stared at each other, and Gwen smiled. Arthur stared at them, unable to comprehend it, Merlin standing next to him.

Then Gwen seemed to recall what was going on, and hurried out the door. Merlin followed. Arthur was about to leave as well, when Lancelot stopped him. “Thank you, Arthur. We owe you our lives.”

Arthur didn’t want his thanks, not after what he’d just seen. But they had to go. He nodded and left the tunnel.

***

They sat around a campfire once they’d reached safer territory. Arthur stared into the flames, occasionally shooting a glance at Gwen.

“I’m surprised you would undertake such a rescue mission. Just the two of you,” Lancelot said.

“Father would not risk the lives of his knights for a servant,” Arthur said hollowly.

“And yet you disobeyed him, and came here anyway,” Lancelot stated.

“Truth is…I only came because…Morgana begged me.”

Merlin raised his eyebrows, but didn’t dispute him. Arthur shot another glance at Gwen before staring at the fire once more.

“I think I’ll get some rest,” Gwen said, standing.

Arthur threw a twig into the fire and then rose as well. “We should all get some rest.”

“I’ll stand guard for awhile,” Lancelot offered, and Arthur cursed the fact that he hadn’t done so first.

***

The next morning Arthur returned from scouting the area to find Merlin and Gwen standing a few feet away from the fire, talking in low voices. Lancelot was nowhere to be seen. Gwen turned, and he saw that she was crying. He averted his gaze hastily.

“We’ve a long walk ahead of us,” he said. Merlin turned to him, as he went to see to the horses.

Arthur rode in silence next to Gwen, at a walk so Merlin could keep up. They reached Camelot at the end of the day, and Arthur reunited Morgana and Gwen.

Gwen met his eyes over Morgana’s shoulder, her expression apologetic. Arthur stared at her for a moment, then turned and walked away.

“Look on the bright side,” Merlin said as they descended the castle steps. “You’ve still got me.”

“Is that supposed to cheer me up?” Arthur demanded.

“Thought it might.”

“You really are a complete _idiot,_ aren’t you Merlin?” But nonetheless, he felt ever so slightly better. He still had Merlin.

***

  


Arthur sighed, unable to sleep.

_Look on the bright side. You’ve still got me._

He was glad Merlin was still his friend. After all, he hadn’t been treating him very well lately ( _Love makes you do strange things…_ )

But it was even before that. Their relationship had been strained since after the Questing Beast. Merlin seemed to have somehow developed a sense of place. Arthur would have expected to be pleased to not have every order he gave met with backtalk and complaints, but he wasn’t.

He’d grown used to Merlin’s insolence, almost fond of it, and now that he was acting like a proper servant–well, at least in attitude, he was still incompetent–Arthur found himself growing annoyed.

He tried everything to get a rise out of Merlin, even to using him as a mounting block. Merlin didn’t react.

When Cedric showed up, he put him in Merlin’s place, partly because he was flattered by Cedric’s toadying, but mostly in a final attempt to get a rise out of Merlin.

But Merlin just grew more withdrawn, more betrayed, the whole “clotpole” incident notwithstanding. When he finally did lash out, it was at Cedric, not Arthur, which he supposed he should have expected. But Arthur couldn’t have him attacking people, and so he was forced to throw him in the dungeon.

When it turned out that Cedric just wanted to get into his good graces so he could rob the tomb, Arthur was livid, but Cedric was dead, so there was nothing to be done.

Perhaps he should have offered an actual apology, rather than just demanding Merlin clean his armour. That would have sufficed in the past, when Arthur did something he couldn’t admit was wrong, but that time…

Then there was the tournament, and for the first time he’d noticed Gwen. He wasn’t used to having to work to get a girl’s attention, and he’d been sure Merlin was laughing at him.

But he had finally proven himself to her, only to have to begin ignoring her, since his father would never permit anything between them. And now…

He sighed again, wondering what he was going to do.

***

He didn’t see Gwen for weeks after they got back. He didn’t want to. When she’d been kidnapped, he hadn’t even thought before heading off to rescue her. It was the right thing to do…or so he’d told himself.

That had been rather amusing, actually, Morgana demanding that he go after Gwen, despite the fact that he was already packing, and not letting him get a word in edgewise.

“You haven’t been hunting in ages,” Merlin said suddenly.

Arthur looked over at him where he was laying the fire. “I don’t feel like it.”

“You should. I could come along.”

Arthur narrowed his eyes at him. “But you hate hunting.”

Merlin smiled. “Yeah, so you get to do something you like and make me miserable at the same time. What could be better?”

Arthur felt a slight smile tugging at his own lips, the first he’d worn in awhile. “Alright then, let’s go.”

***

Merlin complained loudly the whole while, and Arthur made snide comments back. He had a feeling Merlin wasn’t half so miserable as he pretended, that he was trying to get Arthur’s mind off things. He appreciated it.

When they got back to Camelot that night, they had a brace of partridges and three rabbits (“What did they ever do to you?” “They’re _meant_ to be eaten, Merlin, honestly, I _know_ you had meat in Ealdor!) and, on the whole, Arthur considered the day a success. He hadn’t thought about Gwen the entire time they were in the woods.

But once they got back, the depression returned. Bad enough to know nothing could ever happen between them, but to know that she didn’t _want_ anything to happen… He’d thought…after all, she’d kissed him back, and given him a favour…but obviously he was wrong.

He’d seen how she acted with Lancelot, and how upset she’d been when he’d left. And why had he done that anyway? Did he think Gwen loved Arthur and not him? Did he feel indebted to Arthur for releasing him from prison when they first met? Did he think that Arthur was more worthy of Gwen than he was? Regardless, he’d stepped aside, and proved himself the better man. Arthur couldn’t have done it. Even now, he loved Gwen, and the thought of her with someone else was too much to bear.

Merlin had been getting him ready for bed while he was lost in thought, and now he interrupted him. “I’m going to go. If…you don’t need me for anything.”

Arthur shook his head. “No, Merlin, you can go.” There was nothing Merlin could do to fix things.

“Goodnight, Arthur. Sleep well.”

Arthur shook his head, doubtful he’d sleep. “Goodnight, Merlin.”

After Merlin slipped out, he lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. There was pale silver light coming in his window by the time he finally fell asleep, too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

***

“You’re moping again,” Merlin announced.

“I am not _moping!_ ” Arthur said, stung. “Why would I mope?”

“Well, let’s see, maybe because Gwen passed you over for Lancelot?” Merlin looked immediately sorry he’d said that, and Arthur sagged.

“ _Must_ you remind me?”

“I’m sorry. But look, Gwen’s not the only girl in the world. You’ll find someone else. And you’ve still got me.” A brief flush crossed Merlin’s face, as if he’d said something he hadn’t meant to.

“Yes, I suppose so,” Arthur mused. “Although I’ve been treating you badly enough lately.”

Merlin shrugged. “I’m used to it.”

Arthur winced. “You shouldn’t have to be.”

“Arthur…”

“No, listen. I’m a better person now than I was before you came here, and I…I consider you a friend. I’m sorry I’ve been acting like this.”

Merlin gave him an incredulous grin. “Thanks.”

“Yes, well, don’t expect me to repeat it,” Arthur said, retreating back to his usual dry humour. It had needed saying, but that didn’t mean he’d been comfortable with it.

“Of course not.” Merlin looked in his eyes, unwontedly serious. “You’re my friend too, Arthur. I’d do anything for you. ”

“You’ve proved that often enough,” Arthur interrupted, not wanting to hear what else Merlin had to say.

“You’re a good man. You’re going to be a greater king than your father. I meant what I said before, when you’d been bitten by the Questing Beast. I’m happy to be your servant. Until the day I die.”

Arthur smiled, the first truly genuine smile he’d worn in what felt like forever. He was lucky to have Merlin. He would have to let Gwen go, but Merlin would always be there, always dependable. Merlin would never betray him or lie to him, the way Gwen had.

“I’ll hold you to that, you know,” he said, and Merlin nodded.


End file.
